I'm not just talking about the exams and the clinics, the endless days of hard work etc
For me as a medical student on her 5th year, dissociating my personal life and my émotions from my professional life were my biggest challenge. I have seen death in different ways, the grief of a mother, a father.. It's not only about death, but what affected me the most is seeing their journey of suffering.
They have told me that I will get used to it and death will remain a normal pact.
But it has never been the case, each time I see a cold blue body, each time I hear people screaming, it always seems like the first time.
Screaming and crying loud might be a sort of relief, but nothing could be more devasting than EMPTY TEARS of people who choose to suffer in silence.
I wish I could become selfish one day, so that when I come back home, I won't remember anything
I wish I could erase their last goodbye from my memory, so that I don't put myself in their shoes, so that I don't simply have to experience death again and again with every dead patient💔
For me, the huge amout of exams were much easier to handle
Leila El Alaoui, studied at Medical School